Here are a couple readings about detachment that I have found helpful:
Courage to Change ODAT in Al-Anon II 1/12
Early one morning I stopped to watch a colony of bees. A little intimidated by the frenzied motion and intense buzzing, I reminded myself that if I didn’t poke my nose into their hive, I wouldn’t get stung. If I chose to maintain a safe distance from a dangerous situation, I would be fine.
To me, that is exactly the lesson that detachment teaches. The choice is mine. When I sense that a situation is dangerous to my physical, mental, or spiritual well-being, I can put extra distance between myself and the situation. Sometimes this means that I don’t get too emotionally involved in a problem; sometimes I may physically leave the room or end a conversation. And sometimes I try to put spiritual space between myself and another person’s alcoholism or behavior. This doesn’t mean I stop loving the person, only that I acknowledge the risks to my own well-being and make choices to take care of myself.
Today’s Reminder
Now I know how to end an argument by simply refusing to participate, to turn to my Higher Power for help with whatever I’m powerless to change, to say, “No,” when I mean no, and to step back from insanity rather than diving into it. Detachment is a loving gift, I continue to give to myself and to others.
“If a man carries his own lantern, he need not fear darkness.”
Hasidic saying
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Courage to Change ~ January 22
I tried so hard to learn detachment. Living with active alcoholism was confusing, and the idea of detachment seemed vague. The alcoholic in my life was restless sleeper who fell out of bed almost every night. Feeling it was my duty, I would always help him back into bed. One night, after attending Al Anon meetings for awhile, I stepped over his body and got into bed, leaving him on the floor.
Triumphantly, I went to my next Al Anon meeting and told them, “I finally learned detachment!” “Well,” they said, “that’s not exactly what we meant. We meant detachment with love.”
I left that meeting with a new understanding that I put into practice the very next time my loved one fell out of bed. When I found him on the floor, I still didn’t help him into bed. But I did put a blanket over him before stepping over his body and going to bed myself. This, to me, was detachment with love.
Today’s Reminder:
With my Higher Power’s help, I will keep a loving blanket of detachment with me. I will cover my loved ones with it, whether or not they struggle with a disease, keeping in mind that when I am dealing with other human beings, I am dealing with children of God.
“Detachment is not isolation, nor should it remain focused on not enabling the sick behavior of the past. Detachment is not a wall; it is a bridge across which the Al Anon may begin a new approach to life and relationships generally.”
-- Al Anon: Family Treatment Tool in Alcoholism