View Single Post
Old 08-18-2008, 12:21 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Abundance
Member
 
Abundance's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
Well.... after a ton of text messages.... I prayed on it. And I let him come over. He stayed for a few hours, and we stayed outside talking the majority of the time, except for about a half hour inside. I'll tell you what guys.... it's a good thing I know so much about this disease, so I had my codie armor on. I think he was hoping that I was just going to wrap him up and make him feel secure. He was saying things like I need you - to which I rebutted with ... that doesn't work. That is not healthy - and that he needs to be able to do this on his own. I explained everything I have been saying on here. He told me about his week in the mountains and that he had hit rock bottom. I explained that if he can not understand that I need time to heal w/out him here - then he has not hit bottom nor is in the mode of recovery. It was so late at night, I feel as though my words weren't coming off right.

Anyway..... I went to sleep and prayed for guidance. I woke up this morning and I prayed again. I knew that he was just going to sleep in his car last night, because there was no point in a hotel..... and I had an idea where he was staying. So when I went out to get a mocha... I stopped by his van. He was sleeping. I invited him into my van and we went through the drive thru together. I told him that I understood how it felt when your world stops moving and everyone else's is still going. I told him again that his coming from a place of what he wants is not acceptable for me. I told him that I don't want to hear anything about what he is going to do - it only gives me expectations of him that i don't want right now. I'd rather just see him make it happen. I suggested he go to some rooms before he makes a decision on what he is going to do and that he goes through a detox. On Friday, he said that he tried to kill the "other guy" by eating 12 80's - and he woke up hanging out of his car with puke all over him. He says that was his bottom.... that he tried to kill himself and woke up. A part of me - doesn't know if I believe him if that really happened, but then another part of me thinks it very well could be the truth. Fortunately, after that happened - he spent about 16 hours working in a shop with a friend, who is an a RA - and was surrounded in white light.

::sigh::....... he wants to come home and there is NO WAY ....... like NO WAY JOSE ... kind of no way. If he wants this bad enough, then he will figure out how to do it on his own. If not, then he has not reached bottom. I will support him in recovery, but not at the stake of my sanity and my boys world. I can not risk another time of what I went through.

When we parted.... he said that he needs to keep his mouth shut and just do it, and I told him.... YES.... that is correct. That I too had that realization a few days ago. It takes way too much energy just thinking and thinking and thinking and talking. Action is where it's at. I told him that I have only expectation in my Higher Power .... that I have given it to Him - and to just keep moving along - keeping my side of the street clean........ and that I KNOW by doing that I will be safe.

Whether he does or doesn't do this.... it's out of my hands. I am focused on what it is that I am doing. That is all I can do.

Ann --- basically - you just said it all in those few sentences.

Callie - you are absolutely correct - one week in the mountains is not the fix.... the fix is in his actions now! I am un-stable, but when I saw him, I stayed in my codie armor.

Amy - your ESH speaks to me like you wouldn't believe! He does have to show me .... not just tell me. You are absolutely right about
Honestly, haven't you set boundaries before that you didn't keep?
Yep..... i sure have done that.

When my daughter was in rehab it occurred to me this whole thing is a lot like dealing with little kids. When we tell them no or ground them, only to cave in later, we let them know we're inconsistent and they run all over us.
Chino -........ you are dead on. I was thinking about that with my boys. I ground them and take things away from them... and I stay consistent in doing so. I believe that has been successful, thus far. Consistency. However, with an adult, how would I do that? By treating my self with self-respect. That is how! And in this case - it is sticking within my boundaries and seeing results via action. Talk is cheap.

It's out of my hands..... and in my HP's!
Abundance is offline