A little over two years ago, I bailed my daughter out of the mess she had made of her life with her then 36 year old crack addict boyfriend. For four months prior to the bailout we had minimal contact and she lived 2 blocks away. She did not work and was living with this man. She told me they had no sexual contact. She slept in the same bed with him because she was lonely. She also told me she only had done drugs 4 times in the 4 months that she was with him. She said drugs were not her problem. I believed her even though just before meeting this man she had been in rehab because she used oxycontin daily. Then less than 3 months after bailing her out she went back to him. For the next 7 months we had little contact but she still denied that she was doing drugs. Even though all the red flags were there I wanted to believe her. When she came to me at Christmas of that year and asked for help for rehab, I was so angry that I had let myself be fooled by her that I told her to go away and find the rehab herself. It took her another year and a half to finally be willing to deal with her addiction. By that time I was no longer angry because I armed myself with the information that I needed to understand that her addiction was not personal. She was sick and she was just doing what addicts do. She did not mean to hurt me and that she was hurting inside too. She now has 82 days clean and I pray everyday for it to continue. But I know she could relapse and so I protect myself and have told her that she can't use here. The decision to use is hers, the decision to not be in the chaos is mine. So I guess the point of this is that hindsight is 20/20, addicts are really good at fooling those that love them, and that you need to be gentle with yourself. Anger is good if it helps you detach. Sorry so long. Hugs, Marle