Thread: Why
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Old 08-16-2008, 07:00 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
lightseeker
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Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
sometimes life is so life that the ONLY thing that sounds good right then is to disappear. Anyone that has ever used addictively knows that there is a substance that can take you away immediately. The "addict" that lurks within ONLY reminds you of the relief of using and nothing else. Sometimes his voice is just louder than anything else being said. A moment of not feeling (boredom, issues, problems, etc) seems like extremely blessed relief. After awhile the newness of recovery wears off. People start saying the same things in meetings and it can get boring. You want to believe that you are better so you end up thinking that you are better. You think "just one" would be okay......if I do it this way I can control it. It is just weary-ing to live sometimes and normal just seems empty compared to using. Can you tell that I am in relapse mode? I am. I haven't "gone back out" but it sure sounds good to me these days. The promises haven't come true for me and I've worked a really strong program and done the deal.

I don't know if this explanation helps you at all. Addiction doesn't make sense so I guess I shouldn't expect anything that I have said to have made sense.
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