You have received some wonderful responses here. I just had to share a couple things...
I got sober off of meth 14 years ago and have never gone back BUT after some years under my belt I decided I could drink alcohol. Why??
Well I like what the Big Book says, that none of us likes to think of ourselves as different from our fellows. I did not want to be different so I set out to prove I could drink like everyone else...turns out I can't.
Second, today I have been sober for 99 days. The obsession has been lifted and I have not thought about drinking without remebering everything and where it took me, so I have not been tempted. Today, I had a car accident. My fault, stupid, careless, avoidable and expensive. I felt/feel like such a screw up and my disease JUMPED on all of this negative self talk. It was not long before I was thinking, what is the use, I might as well drink. I wanted to stop feeling SO bad. Then I found all kinds of others things to be depressed about. I lost my Dad unexpectedly in March. I stared grieving for him, that I could not call him, etc. Then I called my sponsor and she did not answer. So I sat and made myself play out the entire day and weekend if I went out right then and bought a bottle of wine. Then I thought what my sponsor would say if I had talked to her. She would say the same thing she always says "Don't pick up no matter f***ing what!" So I hit my knees, did not pick up and it is a little over an hour before I have 100 days
So my POINT is that I almost used because something happened that made me feel badly about myself, and my head and my disease RAN with it. I almost drank to escape the feeling I did not want to feel. Does that make sense?