I have been trying to understand my fear too. I know intellectually and spiritually that there is nothing to fear. I think it is my emotions that get to me. Emotionally when I am dealing with my H I draw back into the times when I was a child and had no choices. The way my H controls me is thru emotional cr@p.
He is violent in the expression of his anger. I know I could kick his ass 10 ways to Sunday. The only way I won't kick his ass is if I react to his anger as I did when I was a child when my mom would get angry. I do not like the way he throws stuff and bangs on the furniture, stomps and fumes. If I bring up what I consider to be the issues he gets this way. I feel like I will get violent when he gets like this cause then I want to kick his ass. I do not want to do this. I don't want to go there. I suppose the only logical thing for me to do is have him removed but some 3rd party. I am sure if I kicked his ass he would try to make me pay....