((((((((((((((blessed4x))))))))))))))
Hopefully you can get to a place of clarity about what to do.
Many have walked in your shoes here and have come out on the other side.
If you want your life to be different, the changes will need to begin with you.
We say. "Nothing changes if Nothing changes"
Even though you don't talk bad about Dad in front of the kids, talking about the situation instead of a home of secrets could be extremely beneficial for them.
Make slow but steady changes to improve the emotional health and environment for yourself and the kids.
Talking your situation through at Al-anon and finding an alanon sponsor to work the program would be a good step.