Hi again, JustMe -
Your situation is so much like mine was. I still think about it from time to time. The lying was going on long before I discovered the drinking problem. My xah also drank at night in his workshed and would either pass out there or crawl into bed after I went to sleep. He also engaged in binge drinking when I was out of the house in the evening at classes or whatever. I thought he was desperately ill because he would be so strange when I came home. I never thought he might be drunk! I have an extremely stunted sense of smell - so I was a perfect person to be married to a drunk!
Anyway, the lying was really distressing and once I figured out what was going on, it turned me into a person I didn't want to be - looking around in places for hidden bottles and receipts to see if he was still drinking despite him saying he wasn't (he was, of course).
Wow, now I can see how crazy it all was. In spite of all his lying, I still felt such loyalty and love for him. But now I think it was always one-sided. Alcoholics don't care. At least that's what he told me in a lucid moment. He knew his behavior was screwing everything up, but it didn't matter to him. That's what he told me. How can anyone have a relationship with someone like that? You care so much for someone - and that's how they reciprocate?
When I was in it, saving the marriage was the most important thing in the world to me. Now, taking care of myself is the most important thing to me. I do have regrets but I try not to dwell on them - since really, this moment right now is all we really have - and I want to feel good, safe and healthy now.
DesertEyes is right - just take it one step at a time, each day make a little bit of progress (or sit on the sofa and just do nothing - believe me, I did plenty of that as well). You have a wonderful bright future ahead, all you have to do is choose it.