I understand exactly what you are saying and felt/feel the same way. From my experience, mine said, lied, etc. for many years and I felt/feel totally duped. However, I chose also how to react and my reaction was to stay--it was easier for me to ignore at the time. Now I choose not to. I don't have a plan as yet and I have two small children, but I know I can't live like this much longer before it starts to really take it's toll.
I'm working on me and gathering my strength--in between moments where I feel as if I'm losing my mind. But I know I'm not--I know my mind and it sounds like you do as well. Keep reading and working on yourself. Incidentally I found that the more independent I become and the more I choose me, the more his guilt, verbal abuse, etc. heightens. You may find this as well. Most of it is manipulation I've found.
It's interesting that we feel guilty for choosing ourselves when they choose themselves time and time again. My therapist told me a story about a relationship she was in with an alcoholic. It took her a long time to leave and the thing that drove her to it was her beloved bicycle. To get away from his "crazymaking" she took bike rides. That bicycle was her salvation. As she detached more, he became more angry and abusive toward her. One day he told her that he was going to take that f-ing bike and destroy it. She finally thought--how can I stay with a man who will go to such lengths to destroy something I love so much? She and the bicycle left quickly after.