Hi Smiley and Welcome to SR,
I am glad you found us and posted, you will find alot of great friends here!
Like you, I was married to an addict and we had children together as well. I went through much of the samethings you are going through with your husband....women, cheating, lying, happy, sad, mean....never knew from one day to another what it was going to bring. I would freeze when the phone would ring. Your post really brought me back of a time and a place I was in with my husband....thinking I was crazy and he assured me I Was! Probably I was, but who wouldn't go off the wall dealing with the choas and the ups and downs that addiction brings with it. There were times when I knew something was not right but I would just bluff it off and think I was crazy for thinking such a thing....then after time it would come to light and I was right, what I thought was happening was....I wasn't crazy after all.
My husband became very abusive and voilent overtime, emotionally with our boys ,emotionally and physical with me, he would like your husband is doing being miserable and picking fights. When the fights would start he would leave....a perfect escape to go out and use, he had a reason now....the Master of his plan, I fell into his trap. Why oh why he reasoned with himself the way he did, but it made sense to him.
I was so terrified that my husband was going to get himself into trouble and go to jail, I begged and pleaded with him...I really didn't know what all he was up to but I knew enough to know that there was going to be trouble...the call did come from the police and they had him and he was going to jail. I melted right to the floor. As time went by with him locked up, the choas stopped and the boys and I like you managed with no big surprises. What was my biggest fear of him going to jail changed and my biggest fear was him getting out. I got so sick as time got closer to the day he was going to be released and rightfully so, it was choas within 4 hours of him getting out.
The police put an order against him to stay away from us, he didn't go away without a fight, but as time went on it was less and less that he came around. After 22 years of marriage and the last 5 years of it dedicated to crack cocaine I finally managed to get through it and divorce him. I am on my own with the boys...well they are not boys anymore and beleive me I have had my challeges with them, but they are to the point now that they can move out and be on their own....and I am just fine on my own, just like you know you can.
Each and everyone of us is differnt and we all know just how much we can take or not take, but never forget that you can do it on your own...beleive in yourself and don't let anyone rob your happiness!
Rose