Hello there! Welcome.
I'm sorry this is happening to you. It sounds like he needs to deal with some underlying issues here along with the addiction. Does he go to AA or attend meetings or see a therapist? Just curious.
How about you? Are you going to any alanon or naranon meetings? Having a community there to help you can be invaluable.
I have to echo what the first response said: what do you see in this relationship that you are getting? I don't understand what he's doing that is positive, good and healthy for you and your family. I'm not sure I can think of any good that can outweigh the bad you've written about (for myself personally.)
I'm sure you've heard that addicts have to "hit their bottom" to begin recovery. Well, we (the loved ones of addicts) also have to hit our bottom. How much more will we take and endure before we finally break? And will be be bankrupt (financially, emotionally, spiritually) before the end? It's a vicious cycle, especially when our loved ones manipulate us, tell us what we want to hear and calm that devil inside that gets crazy with worry and fret.
Yet, that devil never fully goes away, at least not immediately. Takes time for us to heal, just as it takes time for them to recover.
It sounds like he's going through a depression. I think this is common in recovering addicts. He may need help in getting through it. Sometimes, we think it's "strong" to try and handle things ourselves. When, in fact, it's the easy way out to do nothing and try to tackle it on our own. It takes GUTS to ask for help and go see someone who has the tools to get us through these times. Sometimes, we are too close to the problem to see a way out, we need someone to guide the way.
Many hugs to you. Love and light.