Well I'm new here and I will try to be as brief as I can so bare w/ me. I've been married for over half my life to my high school sweetheart. Have 3 kids, put my hubby thru college (meaning while I worked @ nights) plus I'm a very dedicated wife & mother, aswell considering alot of young marriages like mine fall apart alot sooner. My husband has always had a drinking problem, I must of been very nieve to notice his problem was getting worse. Regardless of our arguments, he continued to drink heavily. Started to get suspicious on his loyalty to me w/ other women cuz he's always been one to be very outgoing & flirty-joking kind of guy.
Fast forward more, he started doing cocaine when I got pg of my 3rd baby from then it has been a living hell for me. He got involved w/ illegal activities, wouldn't come home, got abusive & agressive, lying more than ever, was trying to have an affair (sure there were many but this one I was told), he wouldn't be intimate w/ me & when he would he couldn't perform & all those reg. things that accompany someone w/ alcohol & drug abuse. I have never done drugs & hardly would ever drink. I can say God has given me alot of will power to put up w/ everything this man has putten me & my girls through.
Aside from that went to prison & still waited for him w/ open arms in hopes that his time locked up would make him realize his mistakes, but of course no. He left me w/ hardly any $$ & alot of bills. He promised me the world when he would get out that he was staying clean & would do anything & everything to make it up to me & my girls for the rest of his life. aha! Too good to be true. But during that time I gathered my strength thru the support of my family & picked myself back up & was independent for the first time in my life. I maintained my home inside & out (very active), lost alot of weight (of course), went to church alot & spent alot of time w/ my kids. The best time of our lives! My kids agree to that. Soon after he came back home he started drink'n, he started being verbally abusive & his anger w/in time got worse. He even started flirting, touching other girls right in front of me to the pt he lost all respect for me & kissed a waitress right in front of me (didn't know I was there had gone to rest room) not once but twice. From that night, my heart stopped beat'n for him. Slowly over time I have stopped being in love w/ him.
Fast forward again to New Yrs Eve '07, I was already told several times by family that he was doing coke again. Of course he would deny it w/ all his life, but that day I got a gut feeling to look for some (coke) in his stuff & car. Sure enough, in the trunk where tire goes in trunk I found some coke. Even then of course denied doing it (amazing even w/ proof right in his face), then changed story to he only did it once. Yeah right! That was another worst day of my life then w/ family coming over for NY eve & put up a front like always, but this was extremely painful to do but managed to. After that found out he was text'n other women (especially this girl that didn't like me), found phone #'s & what not. Finally had a big fight we got seperated for the first time which lasted only 2 weeks
So now its August & July 4 he promised again never to do coke or drink again. That he was gonna change completely, because I had told him it was over. I tested him once came out clean, but haven't lately. He hasn't drank beer @ all (not in front of me) or done coke (he says). He's putting on weight though, but he seems unhappy now. Seems like he's resenting me, but he says he isn't that he doesn't want any of that stuff anymore. Plus he confessed to me, in the past he would go regularly to strip clubs & all those type where they pay & they do a special dance for them in a seperate room. Of course promising me never had sex w/ any of them.
He promised me so many things & seems now he's taking his sweet time trying the easy way out to get out of the rest of promises. I'm very proud of him but of course doubt he's not using behind my back & not only that he can be a real ******* to all of us. He's gotten more aggressive w/ my girls too especially verbally (not physically), but he knows how to get on their nerves. The other thing he's excelled in is making me & everybody think I'm crazy, but really I'm not I'm just so frustrated w/ him. What should I do? Last night we had a big fight cuz I caught him lying to me again. Not big things, but still lying to me when there's no need too. How can he expect me to trust him if he's still lying to me?