Originally Posted by
OverItNow 
In my mind, the distiction between the two--mental illness and addiction--are apples and oranges. To be sure, sometimes the two go hand in hand, but it can be a chicken or the egg scenario. Tough love, to me does not mean berating or standing over the person screaming.
In my case, I think of events as to how AH would react if the shoe were on the other foot. Since I am codependent and believe he is not, I would bet my last 10.00, that I would be out on the street within the first six months if I repeated some of his antics. Tough love? You bet, he'd want to save himself and I must do the same.
In the case of mental illness, I believe I would have more compassion and empathy than in the case of addiction. I dunno, I'm not an addict, however, in dealing with this I feel that my mental health is at times compromised.
I totally agree. I'm no shrink, but I'm fairly certain my AH has some sort of undiagnosed emotional disorder. He goes to AA several times a week, has a sponsor, has been to outpatient rehab. Someone posted an article over on the SA board about shame. That reminded me of him, although he works extremely hard to project the opposite. Anyway, he's been to see a psychologist (supposedly the best for addiction in our area) and hasn't made another appointment, although he says he plans to. I hope he does, but I realize I can't force him to and it doesn't benefit me to nag him about it.
Something else you posted rang a bell also. During my AH's last binger about 14 days ago, he said "If I were you I would have left a long time ago."