Originally Posted by
tiburon88 
I have been reading this forum a lot lately and feel a need to share. First off, many feel that there love ones are "safe" in jail. It is not always a safe place to be locked up in many jails/prisons. Violence is a every day possibility. There are frequently no alcohol/drug programs offered in jail.
A question I have for you guys though is what if your loved one suffers from mental illness as well as addiction? Is the "tough love" approach a good idea then? Addiction is not a choice and mental illness is not a choice either. Being homeless or locked up in jail with a mental illness makes a person much more likely to suffer from violence. Just something to think about I guess.
tib
Hi Tiburon,
I don't mean to be rude, but I have some issues with this "question." Perhaps it is not my place to say, but I felt as though this was less of a question, and more of a lecture.
Many of the people on this board have struggled for years, and are just getting to the place where they can put their needs first without feeling guilty. Where they can start to practice "tough love" with the understanding that their loved one needs to take responsibility for themselves.
I read your post to say, at root, that somehow the practice of "tough love" would be responisible for someone ending up in jail, or institutionalized. This is not the case. People are not locked up because their loved ones have decided to enforce boundaries.
They are locked up because of their behavior, their choices, and sometimes (sadly) their addictions. It may not be fair, and it may not be a safe or good place for them, but it is a consequence of their own actions.
I have several people close to me that suffer from mental illness (without substance abuse issues.) And while I love them, and have all the compassion in the world for them, I still do not allow them to treat me badly. I suppose they get a lot more slack than other people I know, but someone else's problem does not need to become my own. And mental illness, like alcoholism, is not something that is changed or fixed by the tone that my love takes.
Recently there was a small discussion on this board, concerning whether there should be posting between forums. Everyone was pretty cool with the idea, and I think that we all have a lot to teach each other. However, this
particular board is not a very good place for active alcoholics to try and dissuade friends and family from practicing tough love.
I wish you all the best in your struggle with sobriety. The last thread that I saw from you was titled "Giving up on Sobriety." I really hope things have gotten better since then.
Peace.