I am so sorry - and I do know the pain - and the surrender, which happened only when I just couldn't do it any more. And then I felt guilty for the relief!
But I had to do absolutely everything I did, in order to be at the point of letting go.
One of the things I hung on to - "Give your son to God - He is up all night anyway - and put your head down and sleep". So I pictured him with the angels hovering over him, and I was able to sleep. As you know - 20 years later he is clean and sober one year - and doing well.
And so am I. He has a recovering Alanonish mother - who can love him, not badger him for details of what meetings he is going to and other details that are not my business, and is no longer the neighborhood crazy lady.
God is good!
Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler
P.S. And just like me, you have exerience, strength and hope to share with other suffering Moms. There is life after our kids' addictions - whether or not they ever get sober.