I'm a recovering addict, and will try to explain the "selfish" part of recovery.
I'm like you....was raised in a totally honest environment, STILL don't like to lie. When I first got into recovery, I had just relapsed and my dad had paid some bounced checks to keep me out of jail...but I paid him back very fast, once I got my job back. He did this because he has loaned me money before, and I have always paid him back fast.
At the ripe old age of 46, I felt like I was being treated like a child sometimes. Dad would want me to "check in" with him if I was late from work, or going somewhere with a friend. I do this, to this day, first because it's common courtesy and the way I was raised, but also because I put him through hell and don't want him worrying that I'm out there smoking crack.
I've never used the "being selfish" excuse (my opinion, only) to get out of accountability for myself. If dad or someone else has a problem with me, and it's because of my past behaviors, it's up to me to make things right. Yes, at times I've told dad "I'm going out...I don't know when I'll be back, but I won't use and I'll be careful" and that, to me, is being courteous but also keeping a little independence. I didn't do this at first, though....I had a good bit of recovery under my belt and had proven to be trustworthy.
My friend was a meth addict and put her granny through hell. She gets mad when granny gets worried about her, or says something about "you're not doing dope, are you?" I told her that's what we get for our past actions....deal with it.
Although his addiction has added some problems, maybe it's also just part of who he is and who you are? If anyone is not honest with me or omits things I think are important, I feel threatened and they don't even have to be an addict...it's just because that is something very important to me.
Don't know if this made sense or helped, but I hope it did.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy