When an addict cries for help, how do you?
Its been over a year since I been on here. In the meantime I just gave into defeat. For those who remember me, I have an a/s he is 24, possibly been addict since age 14. Drug chose is meth and prescription drugs not prescribed to him. I have reached the bottom with him, his drug use, abusive behavior, violent outbursts. I sit and watch him kill himself. My heart has turned bitter so to speak. I know my son is in there somewhere and tried so hard to reach him. He is slowly dying. Today I take him to work, come home after just having a talk with him on the way to work. I told him I was done with him, I couldn't handle it anymore and was putting house up for sale and moving far away where he would never find me. As he got out of car I said it's gonna be a lonely life out there for you. He was unusually quiet, didn't say a word and that was unlike him. He got all teary eyed and look like he was gonna cry.
Well I come home go into bedroom and here is this long letter from him. I just sat and cried. I thought how could I have said those awful things to him. His letter to me asks is there enough time to save him? That he has lost everything, does not know life any other way. That he wants to save himself but impossible. Said he needs extensive treatment. that there is no way out except death or jail. He cant feel feelings because he has none. That he is sick. Says he is ready but its too late.
This is so hard to write about my tears just fall. I have no way to save my son now that he is begging for help and this is all I ever wanted. We do not have the financial means to put him in a rehab and then again would he lose his job if he left for medical problems. He works full time and been there almost a year.
During these last few months of his addiction I have even told myself the only way I can free my husband and family is for me to leave or end my own life because without me, my husband wouldn't keep him there. I am so torn. I don't even know how to begin to look for help. I love my son. i want him back. Is it to late?