((Gwen))
Excelent advice above. A whole lot of things are going on with you and your family. Lots of stressors for you and your daughter. She has you so tied up in anger and anxiety right now that you probably can't even think straight.
Take a deep breath Gwen, drag out those tools you have and use some of them here in this situation. First of all, give yourself some down time to digest everything, take a long hot bubble bath. You can't force someone to do the right thing, or think correct thoughts, or even act appropriately, especially when it comes to a teenager or pre-teen. She kinda has the upper hand here with you, and she knows it. She has you in fear of something that prevents you from using all of your options. If she can manipulate you with DFS then she has a way to undermine your authority. This is just my opinion here, but even with your prior bad experience there, I'm afraid I would have to call her bluff on that one, I would have to eliminate that control method, even if it meant dealing with it again. More damage is done by you fearing that right now than if they actually came and got her.
Next, (after you have some Gwen time and have calmed down and can think straight) I would change tactics. Do something that totally throws her off guard, something that she wouldn't expect, something that would be so confusing to her that she would actually walk away thinking about it. Do it very calmly and even if you don't have control, pretend that you do. Pretend that she, or anything that she is doing, doesn't have you by the short hairs. Let her know that you love her, but that you can't protect her from the real world consequences of her actions, and let her know that it scares you that you can't protect her that only she can protect herself. Give her that control over her own life. Her screw ups, her consequences. Ask her what she thinks you should do, ask her what she would do if your roles were reversed. Tell her that you want to know what her thoughts are on the whole situation. Then let her know your own thoughts, but also let her know that your anger is born out of fear for her because you love her so much. Let her know that it hurts you to have to disipline her but that it is your job and you do it for her, not to her.
I know she is only 11, but she is doing some pretty adult things and how you handle all of this right now will set the tone for how you handle things in the future. If it involves a lot of yelling and fighting and punishment, then she is just going to tone you out, do what she has to do, and not learn a thing from it except how to get around you and not get caught.
Something I did with my teenagers. I told them that they, or I could call a meeting. In that meeting, everyone was allowed to say anything they wanted to say, with no consquences, as long as it was said with respect.
Hugs and Prayers
B