It really was chaos and I don't miss it. I don't even miss HIM because he was so bad before he left that I remember that alot more than the good times...of which there weren't many because if there was no booze he wouldn't go and if there was booze I wouldn't go so we were at a stalemate I guess. I know it is the death of the "dream of happiness" that I never found with him. That's almost harder to let go of sometimes! Thanks for the kind words...made me cry...I guess I needed to. I try not to but then it all comes out at once.
I do need a new circle of friends but first I have to get this depression under control. a life long problem for me.
Thanks again you guys.