(((loner)))
Sending a hug, sweetie. It's good to get it all out. For me, I KNEW I was way better off without my AH than with him, and I trusted that life would normalize for me in time. It truly has taken me years to have mostly good days with the occ. bad one. When I feel the bad one coming, I know I have two choices. To let it wash over me and give myself that day, or to walk away from it and choose activities that take up the space in my head. Be patient with yourself, keep walking the good walk. You know that alcoholism is always progressive, and does not lead upward without abstinence. You did the right thing.
Is there something you could do to enlarge your circle of friends, some new activity or volunteer work you could do that might take you away from "news" about your ex by placing you with different people, people who have no connection to him, people who would only know YOU and who YOU are now, not you as the one who used to be with him? I think that would do you a lot of good, to have a new group that is all about you, and nothing about him.