My (STBX)AH is disabled, also, and on SS. He has a victim mentality, and lots of people buy into it because of his disability. I did too for a long time. I was always trying to help -- making suggestions on how he could deal better with his disability; making sure he saw positive role models that had the same disability. I couldn't leave him because he needed me so badly; he wouldn't even be able to go to the grocery store and get food to eat if I wasn't here. Then I SLOWLY realized that was a bunch of bull. The reason he "couldn't" do anything for himself is because he never wanted to learn how to do anything for himself. I was never going to be able to "suggest" or "encourage" or "teach" him enough -- cause he never wanted to. I felt trapped and felt SOOO guilty for feeling trapped for a long time.
I finally realized that his was choosing to be a victim, and that so was I. I moved out 9 months ago and we will soon be divorced. Life does indeed go on; I never would have believed that even just one year ago.