This is from the book Courage to Change ODAT in Al-Anon II ~ January 18
When I first heard that the best way to help an alcoholic was to focus on myself, I thought Al Anon was a heartless place where I would be forced to stop caring about my loved ones. I had decided never to return, but someone shared a thought that changed my mind. He said that although the desire to help another person can be well-motivated and compassionate, our old ways of “helping” don’t necessarily help. Al Anon offers a new way to help.
I examined my version of helping the alcoholic. I saw that when I covered her bad checks or made excuses for her, I kept her from facing the consequences of her actions. I actually was depriving her of opportunities to want to change.
I also had to consider why I felt so desperate unless I was helping. When I took a look at my motives, I found that it was my anxiety I didn’t want to face.
Today’s Reminder:
Is the help I offer truly loving or do I have other motives? Am I trying to change another person or get them to do what I want? Talking it over with my sponsor can offer perspective. My best hope for helping those I love really does begin when I focus on myself.
“In Al Anon we learn:
-Not to create a crisis;
-Not to prevent a crisis if it is in the natural course of events.” -Detachment