barbara52 said it pretty well. It is unacceptable, manipulative behavior. An alcoholic cannot make adjustments to drinking, or do controlled drinking with any success. At least this alcoholic cannot. Nor would I be willing to accept it from anyone I was involved with. Keep going to Alanon. It can help you help yourself. Maybe he was sober with this request but he is still an active alcoholic. To me this means he is still a sick alcoholic, not working on recovery.