I've been dealing with an alcoholic parent for about 25 years - mostly from a distance (just dealing with the neighbors pulling me aside when I came home to visit - "you need to talk with your mom about her drinking"), until she moved here from the other coast about 3 years ago into assisted living. Now, I've had more to deal with, and my young (tween) son is aware of her problem and concerned, too.
We did an intervention recently - not successful, as she refused to go to treatment -- just said she'd stop on her own (yeah, done that before, didn't stay stopped) and see a therapist. But also stated that she has no desire to stop drinking - that she likes everything about it - and refuses to go to treatment.
Frankly, I'm just tired of it. And I'm way angry about how it's affecting my son: in the intervention, she accused me of lying and said he couldn't possibly be aware of her drinking!
I feel that I need to step out of the picture. I'm the only child, though, and my nuclear family is the only family she has left. She loves my son dearly, and I guess I don't want the guilt of cutting off that relationship. The assisted living place is kinda putting it on me that I need to be more involved as "she's so lonely" - well, she's lonely because I don't come around because I'm tired of the drinking. Oh, and she's not lonely - she has friends there, and they all drink, and she throws parties, and she doesn't invite her family (because we don't drink). The annoying thing in the intervention was that the nurse tried to put the outcome on me - that mom's recovery was a road we could walk together, and wouldn't that be wonderful, and the subtext was that her recovery and happiness was *my* responsibility.
Yes, I will return to Al-Anon.
What I really want to do is step out of this picture, spend time with my in-laws (who don't drink and are supportive of us), and try to have a normal life (whatever that is). I suppose now isn't the time, that I should be "supporting recovery", but I really see the outcome of this intervention as more of the same: mom doing what she wants because she thinks she can pull the wool over their eyes, and the therapist's as well.
My husband suggests stepping away because of the effect it's been having on me.
Advice? (I *do* like the "Step away from the addict" smiley - was that meant for me?
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