(( angel ))
There is so much great information here on the forums. When you have time, I suggest that you cruise around and read the "stickies" up at the top. One of my most favorites is written by a man named Jon. It's incredibly powerful and it helped me a lot...
"My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior.
You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fulfilling them.
You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered a sociopath. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until I make a decision to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decision, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do"