I received a birthday card from my Mom a couple months ago. The card basically said that it was okay to make mistakes. She finally understood the pressures I was place under for all these years. Now if I can only tell my head the same thing. Another thing I have noticed is that I got so far and then my family would pull the rug out from under me. It was like "You can go this far, but don't go too far away from us". Because of this behavior all my life I do it to myself. It is very difficult to get rid of it. I will make things up in my head and sabotage the progress I have made. It is the strangest thing and I've only recently became aware of it. I wound up working for a boss who did the same thing to me. I have caught myself doing it to my daughter. This is not intentional behavior. It's like I have been programmed to do this and I don't know how to get past it.
I was in New Jersey and was talking to a colleague outside during a break from training and he was talking about having to go to jails as part of his territory. He was talking about the prisoners behavior when he walked through the hallway. I totally lost it. I was sobbing so hard I thought I was going to pass out. He must have thought I was crazy. I'm crying now as I type this. The grief is horrible. I just want my brother to be okay and to live a peaceful and happy life. He has a little girl who is absolutely adorable. My father will have nothing to do with her. It broke my brother's heart. My father rejected him again. I really don't understand why he would do this. She has nothing to do with anything. She is an innocent child caught in the middle.
Thank you for keeping my brother in your prayers MorningGlory.