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Old 07-19-2008, 04:35 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Abundance
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Join Date: Dec 2007
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Originally Posted by taintedlove View Post
to tell you guys the truth, i am more scared of me than him... i am afraid that i enjoy being with him and by that i dont mean when he's using i simply mean that i used to enjoy it when he surprised me coming to my campus to take me for rides in his car, i enjoyed being his "boo" the one he trusts and tells all his secrets to...i experienced so much love and irrational passion with him for the very first time(including intimacy)...and thats why i am afraid: afraid of ending up being with him and bearing his addiction for a life time because i know i love him and i know that no matter how harsh i go on myself i will never walk out on him ..im afraid of getting serious with him and at the same time i am afraid of letting him go or losing him... i want him to be a healthy 22 year old guy with a horizon to look forward to...maybe being with him is what i do for myself, maybe loving him is a need for me to be happy...i dunno...

Tainted Love..... your pain sounds all too familiar to mine 7 months ago. I was so scared to detach ... I didn't want to stop loving him... I was forcing myself to get out of what I knew as only so much chaos. It was incredibly painful.... but I did it... I detached... and things like... "if it's meant to be he will come back to me"... became meaningful. But what really REALLY helped me was this.........

To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means
the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

-unknown author.
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