Stress
I feel like I am about to lose it. My self composure and dignity, that is.
Last month my AH was going to start going to the methadone clinic again, he even went and had a consultation with one of the consolers, he was to begin treatment the following week. During that time he changed his mind about going to the clinic again and decided he could quit on his own. As skeptical as I was that this would work, I refrained from saying anything other than, 'It doesn't matter what course you chose, if you don't have a sincere desire to quit, it won't work anyway.' Maybe, not my exact words, but the message was similar.
He has been telling everyone that he has already cut his usage to half of what he was doing. I just do not see any evidence that he has made ANY change. No change in personality, no with drawls, no change in spending habits, and the tell tale signs that he is using are still present. Oh, except that I have noticed a new level of lying going on. I know he is an addict, I do not believe anything he says.
I feel so trapped, my own personal world of hell right now and I want to explode. I am feeling like I am taking it out on innocent bystanders. I do not have anyone that I feel comfortable laying all of this on to help me sort it out.
How do the rest of you overcome these feelings?