I agree with all the other posts. YOU deserve happiness and love (the healthy kind) because you are worth it. What happened in the past has happened, try not to dwell on it and let it control your present and your future ( I know this is easier said than done). All the sadness, the resentment, the pain and anger all come with loving an addict. We have all been there. It seems like you are around some negative people and I'm sure that is part of what is pulling you down. Try to focus on healthy, positive things that will help you reach YOUR goals. Keep coming back, we are all here for you. Sending you lots of hugs and prayers.