Thanks for the questions strongerwoman. I am right in the think of things as well with STBXAH. It's all very hard trying to balance my hopes that he will "show up" with trying not to control things. Mine does not call dd or make the effort to see her if he can't make a scheduled visit. I don't know if he is drinking- and it doesn't matter to me except where dd is concerned. She is 10, so is old enough for me to talk to, but we haven't talked much yet- just scratched the surface. I like a lot of the responses you got. Take care- and know you are not alone.