Originally Posted by
nowwhat 
and working on your own codependency issues can only help with the relationship aspect, ie if you can get to an emotional space where the X can't beat you about the head so much (figuratively speaking), some of the communication regarding your dd may become easier.
NowWhat is dead-on with this post. Now that I'm working on my codependency issues, it is sooo much easier to deal with STBXAH. I still have my moments, but in front of him and the kids, I'm as cool as a cucumber. Frankly, I just don't care what he does in his life (this does NOT include the time he is with the kids - he must be sober and a father when they are with him). But as far as the rest of the time, I just don't care. He's still being a jacka$$ sometimes, but instead of anger, I just take it for what it is. When he flakes out on seeing the kids, I just try to make sure that we have something fun to do instead. My kids aren't old enough for a real explanation of why he doesn't come around. I know that time will come though. My plan is to tell them the truth, but without anger or blame.
I am pretty flexible with the visitation schedule. We talk on the phone every couple of days to make plans for the next few days. We need to work up a regular schedule soon, but right flexibility works for us and the kids. Basically, I make the kids available whenever he wants them. Right now that's about twice a week. I would prefer he see them more (they are only 21 months old now), so at that age, they need pretty constant connection. He's missing out on this time, but that's his deal and not mine.
HTH! i4getsm