How can i not hate such a Creature??
Oh man, its been a tough few days. My mam is really pushing me to the brink of madness. I Dont want to hate her but its like she wants to make sure i do.
She was drunk by lunchtime yesterday as she had bribed my dad with a deal he couldnt refuse, if he went to the off licence to get bacardi for her she would buy him a half bottle of vodka. So they were both drunk at lunchtime on a monday which also happened to be my day off from work. Her reign of terror began when i went down to make tea she launched into a verbal attack after i suggested it was a bit early to be drinking. Told me to "grow up, your nearly 23" and called me a "Lazy fat cu*t" for not being in work. Now im on a break from college, I work 5 days and clean the house usually on my days off. Its just so frustratingly unjust and i cant help but be wound up by it.
I locked myself into my bedroom until her constant door slamming and screaming unsettled me to the point of having to intervene, calmly asking her to calm down she ended up chasing me up the stairs threatening to hit me for being a "spoilt little bitch". Again - i locked myself into my room and she stayed on the stairs, going from sobbing to manic screaming and banging on all of our bedroom doors till i was forced to open it and tell her i would have to call the guards. She then stared right into my eyes with her reddy - yellow, venomous eyes, grey skin and no teeth in and said "you dont push it you little bitch i swear im not afraid to hit you" . I said your breath stinks, leave me alone, and she threw her face into mine and breathed out as much as she could. My stomach twisted with pure revulsion.
My brother has always felt pity for my mam despite her being so horrible but i have never heard him as upset and angry as how he was yesterday after seeing the state of her yesterday. She is the same today, even after us telling her what damage she caused yesterday.
Its breaking my heart that i can hold so much anger and hate. She is a different woman when she is sober, although it is rare that i see her out of her bed if she has no drink. I feel like if she ever was to recover our relationship would be beyond repair. I also am fully aware that this hatred effects every other relationship i make.
Is there any hope?
:praying