Just like GiveLove, the first time I saw the 13 common characteristics of ACoAs (which are stickied at the top of this forum), I had a flash of insight. By then I'd been in and out of therapy, oh, probably 7 - 8 years total, but I had been working on each issue as a separate and independent issue. It wasn't until I saw that list that a blinding light of insight went off in my head. I printed out the list, took it to my therapist with 11 of the 13 circled and said "Pick one, let's get started". All those years in therapy and I still hadn't managed to put it all together. That was 2 years ago, and I am absolutely amazed at how much further I've gotten since then than in all the other years combined.
So. Where to start? Well, I started with therapy and no direction other than to "not be how I am". You have a direction and a good grasp on what's going on. So you're ahead of my curve, at least as far as that goes.
As far as this community, well, there isn't really a 'start'. I started posting here when I was on the verge of going no contact with my parents. I needed people who understood why I would even consider it to bounce ideas off of, and was nudged (firmly but gently) by a friend of mine who had gone no contact with her A brother. While our paths weren't the same, and I am still in contact with my parents, there are now boundaries set and maintained in my relationship with them - oddly enough, none of them have to do with alcohol, they all have to do with behaviors which occur whether they're drinking or not.
Then I would bring up various issues that I was dealing with. Or I would just read. Or I would respond to others with things I'd learned, not only to help them, but to keep my new set of emotional tools at the ready. Sometimes people would bring things up that I didn't know what to do with in my own life, and those I would take to my therapist.
Right now, I'm still working on how to parent my inner child. Having never been a parent and having never had good parenting skills modeled for me, I have no idea how to go about being loving and accepting and supportive to myself. I am learning this now.
I see being an ACoA as having a bucket full of rusty nails that are no longer functional. Which nail should you throw away first? It really doesn't matter, as long as you're working towards throwing them away one at a time. And the closer you get to the bottom of the bucket, the more oddly shaped the nails become, until you marvel that it ever was a nail to begin with.
So I say start at the top of the bucket. What's causing you the most irritation/annoyance/unhappiness at the moment? Post it in a thread and folks will chime in.
I will warn you that this forum get somewhat slow traffic, so you if don't get a response right away, check back in a day or two. Sometimes it takes a while for us to formulate a reasonable response. For me, I like to think about my response before saying it, so I may take a day or two after reading before I'll reply.
But trust that it is highly unlikely that you can say anything at all that any of us will find "silly". When I first started counseling, I literally could not tell people "no". If they wanted me to do something with them, and I didn't want to, I'd say "yes" anyway. Sounds silly to non-ACoAs, but to us ACoAs who were never allowed to set boundaries and "no" was not an option, we understand. We've been there. We're all still there to some degree or other.