amy,
My mother manipulated me with the silent/not so silent treatment my entire life...then...when I moved out she had to become vocal so she used crying. I carried around guilt for things that had absolutely nothing to do with me! When I first started in Al-Anon (1 year ago) I used to say things like "I am sorry you feel that way" or "I am sorry you are acting that way". Then I realized I had nothing to apologize for! Now I say"wow, it's too bad you are acting that way". It puts the responsibility of her actions back on her....and shuts her up...thats always a bonus! Recovery scares those who need to be in it but are not...reality is too frightning for them...stay focussed on you!