Hello again,
Your replies were so hard to read! They were also wonderful and gave me so much strength. They helped me to get myself to my therapist - who I am completely unable to lie to. This helped me to sort out the scared feelings and separate the fear from the reality. In fact, it helped me
sit in my reality.
I am not ready to marry this man.
The day after i posted here I told him I wanted to postpone the wedding. He is angry and sad. He knows that this is a direct consequence of his behaviour and his choices.
As soon as I decided I felt as though I was light as a feather. All the worry lifted off and I felt better than I've felt for two weeks (since the drink).
I felt a sense of release.
Now he is making the terrible phone calls to his family. They were all coming from the UK and so it is rather awful for them as there were flights involved and holidays booked. I cannot allow myself to think about that part of it for too long.
This bit really helped me just then - as I was trying to get through him making the calls to his mum and dad:
Originally Posted by
tryingtofly 
I know what it's like to hear someone say "postpone the wedding". They don't understand how embarrasing it would be, the money you've put out, the people you would have to call, the questions that would be asked.
Let me tell you how embarrasing it is when you have to go to family dinners alone because your husband shoved you against the wall, you called the cops and he can't see you for a month, the questions that are asked then, the money that is spent then, the people calling you then.
My family have been very supportive and understanding.
I am looking forward to this part being over.
Thank you for your truthfulness and for letting me learn from your experiences.
I don't know what will happen next.
I will keep you posted.
Thank you again for helping me see past my confusion to the core of the issue.
