Hi Blue,
Reading your post made me think back to the lead up to my wedding some 11 years ago. I remember having some big doubts about whether he was husband material. I was naive and didn't know anything about alcoholism then. Now, 2 kids later and whole lot of grief, I'm wishing I'd listened to my fears back then.
I would describe my AH as caring and loving back then too. He was my best friend, maybe even soul mate. But that 'caring and loving' has turned into suppressive neediness and insane jealousy - I believe all this to be due to his alcoholism.
I'm in a horrible position right now of fearing that too much damage has been done, despite his plea that he has 'hit his bottom' and attended his first AA meeting this week. It's just a bit too little too late.
Tomorrow I have to meet with my 8 year old's teacher because she isn't doing to well in school at the moment. How much of it is due to having an alcoholic father? I really don't know.
What I do know is that I'm suffering badly with guilt at bringing 2 children into the world when I wasn't entirely sure the man I married was going to be a responsible father.
I agree with the others and hold off for the moment. At least you know the issues, recognise your co-dependence. That's a much better position than I was in before my marriage.
All the best.
Lorrae
P.S. I'm in Perth too!