I totally get what you're saying here. *hugs* As others have said-of course it doesn't feel real yet-it's all new territory-new ways of thinking, new ways of acting.It can be both wonderful and scary at the same time.I know it is for me.
You are not fooling yourself though, I think those thoughts are our alkie mind wanting to drag us back to where we used to be-in its clutches.God-only two days ago I felt just like you-I was just despairing of ever getting better.I'm not even confident yet that I'll ever conquer this addiction, but dammit I'm not going to stop trying either.
One thing I have learned-in the 10 weeks sober time I had, was that I'm going to have blue days regardless.It's just part of life.Drinking doesn't change that-as much as I used to tell myself it would.I'm so proud of you for not drinking, and I understand all the doubts too.I just want you to know you're not alone.I'm right there with you and I think you are doing amazingly well.
Much love, Julesxox