All in the head...
Having a blue day.
Got to thinking about the past 33 days sober. I've been pretty "happy" for me over that period of time. I've spent my days and parts of some nights reading and posting here to keep going. It's been an immense help, believe me.
Don't know if it's hormones, or what, but the depression I so often try to put off has tracked me down again and I'm not in a good place. I've been worse, so that's good -- but I was SO hoping that the sobriety would bolster my mood up a little while longer.
Thoughts keep creeping into my head. Do I really believe this will last? Or am I just pretending -- starting yet another "project" or following another "dream" just ready to bail or to fail? Again -- I've been reading and posting. I want to share, but I feel like a hypocrit at times because -- again -- none of this feels real. I don't know -- maybe because I haven't been sober for more this long in 26 freaking years...
I'm pinching myself. I really don't want this to end.