Welcome to SR kikidee! Glad that you found us....I'm sure the reason you are posting is just that "you need to get things off your chest" and what a better place to do that than here with us!
You are not alone in this-Alcoholism is a progressive disease-Please read the stickies at the top of this forum as there is a wealth of information there!
Sorry that you are going through this right now-When I started taking the focus off the A/A's in my life and turned it on me-my life began to be more clear and much more at peace!
Al-Anon has brought light into my life as well as counseling, my HP, and of course SR! Everyone has something that works for them and I hope you find what works for you!
We are here for you so keep posting!
