Originally Posted by
sad#3 
I'm afraid to let her go because I will feel terrible if she falls apart... I think I'm the only one holding her together
Is your wife an adult? If yes, then you are not responsible for "holding her together". In fact, you are not doing that. You are enabling her to continue doing everything that she has always done. She is doing exactly what she wants, and you are only standing by watching it happen. You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you don't control it (or something like that).
Only you can decide when enough is enough. And that doesn't mean that you two have to break up (unless of course that's where things land). It sounds to me like you need a good dose of boundaries to protect yourself. Unfortunately I had to leave my STBXAH due to his love affair with the bottle. I wish I had found this place sooner so that I could begin to understand how I could help myself and possibly save my marriage. It can be done, but what you are doing now is the definition of insanity...doing the same things and expecting different results.
