What can I say...
You know, when I started reading post here, I didn't know what to think, or what to believe, because I saw so much anger. I couldn't identify personally with the levels of anger, because I didn't feel it. I didn't know if that's how I was suppossed to feel.
But here I am, very angry. It's hitting me today hard. It's occurred to me, the level of childish cowardise, the manipulating, the insecure projecting, and the UTTER LACK OF ACCOUNTABILITY from my now ex.
You know with addicts, they really are like children. They make messes for everyone else to clean up, and they don't care that they've made a mess. And god forbid that addict is a long-term addict, that has been in a program before, because they know all the catch-phrases to make it right with them:
"It's a relaspe...I'm sick, I'm not a bad person"
"Your anger and depression is depressing me"
"We don't need to meet or talk. We should go our own separate ways, and just focus on our lives" (when requested to meet face to face, so that I could have the dignity of having proper closure).
"I feel used" (when I asked my boyfriend at that moment for a small loan that he promised, then "reniged" on, and then got offended at my disapointment).
I could go on and on now, and the messed up thing is that he'll get counseling, another 12 step program, and they'll coddle and baby him back to heath, and I'll be the one that should have known better, and have to "just suck it up, deal with it," and heal my heart.
Luckily, it ended before he broke my spirit, or anything in my life. It was way too toxic way too soon for him to get that far. But then again, I've already been through way too much to let him do that to me.
On top of this, I have to deal with our mutual therapist (although he has a new one now) that didn't handle our situation well, and I have to tell them this, knowing that the therapist has some "strong challenges" in their personalilty, and will in some way rub my nose in getting involved with this
f-tard in the first place.
So, I get the broken heart, and the humiliation, and he gets the coddling, the love, the "stay away from her so that you can focus on your sobriety", the implication that it's MY FAULT he's feeling bad about himself.
I feel like screaming at him, the therapist, myself for believing in him and his lies that he was in recovery, not in active addiction,
URRRRRRRRRGGGGH
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BTW for the readers: I'm not an addict, I'm seeing therapist for depression, and to gain healthy life skills, as is he, though I don't know why he's wasting his time showing up.