I really like the "thread" of being a STRONG woman in this post. I am sorry that you have had such a tough road. I wish I was there to give you face-to-face support, and I hope you find wonderful arms at your meeting tonight. Pretend they are ours if you can! Strongerwoman, I believe a lot of our issues with being afraid of others judging us come from being with an alcoholic who acts like they are always right and everyone else in the world is wrong, coupled with our embarrassment of their actions to the outside world. But you don't sound completely "mild" to me, girl. You have a streak in you that screams "MOXI!!" and that is where I would hope you go. I love the posts that talk of their less than "normal" friends taking an attitude against those who would judge them. I'll bet that trait makes them very attractive as good friends. People who are beautiful but not interesting really aren't that fun to talk to or hang out with. People with a little gumption and fiestiness have always attracted me, especially women. The sassier, the better! I think you "own" that personality, Strongerwoman. Let that girl GROW in spirit and serenity. You will find friends that YOU deserve.