SW
Your situation does add a new dimension to your codependency issues but that can be overcome. Really.
I'm sure that you've heard that beauty comes from within a thousand times and are sick of hearing it.....but it's true. But first you have to come to appreciate your inner beauty and that is a trick that we all have to figure out. Women tend to really sell themselves short. Too fat. Too ugly. Too tall. Too short. Too this. Too that. We are basically pretty darn mean to ourselves!
The whole thing about the recovery process that is so beautiful is that it addresses these issues that we have with ourselves. Acceptance of things we cannot change. Changing the things that we CAN change. And understanding and recognizing the difference.
You cannot change how you were born. It is a part of you. But it is NOT the whole of the you. Acceptance.
You cannot change how people stare. It is an initial part of getting to know you. It's human nature. They are curious. As they get to know YOU, they will no longer stare as it will just be you, their friend, that they are talking with. Acceptance.
Now that you've told us about this.......tell us about what you really LIKE about yourself. Tell us what your strengths are. Tell us about the real you. The inner you. The you that has had the strength to deal with your birth challenge, deal with an a father who left you as a child, deal with an A husband, and be the mother of four beautiful children.
One of my dearest friends has some facial issues.....she is one of the most beautiful people I know. She is so very funny and she makes me laugh so hard. I love her so very much. When I look at her, I don't notice the facial differences......I see......my friend. I see a beautiful and talented (and I do mean TALENTED) woman.
Stick around here, S..........this is a great group of people. We are all here to help each other grow and survive......no not just survive.......thrive.
gentle hugs