marle,
Like what others have shared, I wouldn't offer extra information but if asked and sometimes if not asked I just told him how things really were for me. Many times he didn't seem to care at all and sometimes I felt it was not something he needed to deal with at that time- but to focus on his own recovery.
I found that alot of times my son seemed to go to opposite extremes about how he thought _I_ was doing in relation to him whether he was active or not. I think alot of it came from that self centered addict thought process.
In other words I think that sometimes he felt genuine guilt and really wanted to know how I was doing yet at other times it was all about him not wanting to 'feel' how his actions affected others. I hope that this makes sense...but it's the best way for me to describe how it was in our family.
Like you shared about not losing sleep over her...there were many, many times when my son was so self-absorbed that the idea that I could have a good life or go on vacation while he was out using did not occur to him. I think it was a rude awakening.
In fact, I think it really upset him to see me and the rest of our family continue on with our own lives and actually have some fun, enjoy birthday parties and enjoy family events that he was missing out on.
I don't see a need to tip toe around the truth or walk on eggshells, but I also see no benefit to rubbing it in about how bad things are for me due to his actions. I hope that helps you out.