My heart -
hope that you are still checking in. I know that you are feeling overwhelmed with everything that is going on. I've leaned on people in my recovery programs at times like this - its HP doing for me what I can't do for myself. So many people are out there that will help you. Can you get to an Alanaon or Naranon meeting? Please consider calling the Domestic Violence Hotline. That is probably the most important thing.
You are right - it is so much more than addiction....what you are going through is abusive. Bonds that are formed that encompass betrayal become tighter at times - it is the abuse cycle. Get with people that understand that leaving an abuser can be very difficult (even emotionally for some crazy reason). I promise you that the people that pick up the phone at the hotlines have excellent training and experience. They understand your situation and there will be NO judgement. I've found that judgement sends me right back to the abuser (crazy as that is).
hope that you are taking care of yourself and latching onto the help that is available.