Hello Friends,
I need you to talk me off of the ledge. I feel like I have entered some parallel universe and I want to go HOME.
Younger son called older son late last night to say that he had broken up with his girlfriend and wanted to know if he could come here and live with older brother for a few months... until he gets back on his feet. He's a waiter, and a good one, so the job will be here for him, and he'll be able to live on his own within a short time. (we hope)
The reason for the break up is that his sweet, lovely 21 yr girlfriend just happens to be a blackout drunk. My son is tired of her peeing the bed 3 or 4 times a week, barely making it to class, not being able to go to work, not helping with the housekeeping, not contributing her part to the household expenses etc. My son drinks, too - but that's not today's topic.
I was sharing this new information about my son possibly moving back here with Norm this morning, and he had some strong opinions. He gave his dissertation on why AA and Al Anon are a bunch of crap... and that someone needs to tell this girls parents right away, stage an intervention, do SOMETHING to make her get some help. $25,000 or $50,000 is a small amount to pay, you know... don't her parents have insurance - she's in trouble and she could DIE and somebody needs to do something!!!
I stated my case about detachment, about how a person can't be forced into recovery, that a person has to seek it and work it, that maybe this was what she needed in order to find her bottom. Norm thinks my son shares a lot of blame for not "making her" make changes in her life. He really wasn't listening to me or hearing me... he obviously has some very strong feelings about all of this.
I'm proud of my son for realizing this is not the life he wants NOW before it's too late. He knows I'm active in Al Anon and he knows how I work my program and he knows my boundaries. My son knows he can talk to me about this and that I'll point him in the right direction if HE wants help.
I am frustrated and angry and very unsettled after my argument with Norm. He IS, after all, a Normie (Hence the name Norm !
) but still.... I wasn't able to express myself and my knowledge of the disease. My heart breaks for my son and for his sweet gf because I know the road they have traveled and some of the roads that they will face in their futures. My heart breaks for her parents ~ they are quite a bit older and she's their only child ~ and I really don't know if they know the situation or not.
I almost feel like I need to turn in my Al Anon credentials because I wasn't able to make my case. I couldn't get NORM to understand what I know about the disease.
OR is this just another great example of powerlessness?
We admitted we were powerless over alcoholism (and that includes trying to get someone else to "get it") and our lives had become unmanageable....
Thanks for letting me vent.
Hugs
Cats