Old 05-09-2008, 01:55 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
mistercm
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Friendswood TX
Posts: 33
Post Update : TODAY was TOUGH!!!

My NAW is doing it again, She's back tracking, she also knows the time is near for us to part and she isn't taking responsibility of that, she hasn't called to make arrangements to be picked up or dropped off, she hasn't packed any of her things, its like she's waiting for me or you to do it for her, and that everything she said last night to me she said was out of fear and she felt attacked.

She did reveal to me though that she is afraid that I won't love her anymore if she gets better; and that I might say "Oh well I was wrong goodbye!" I told her if we continued on this relationship the way we are right now, only one of us getting help for their dependencies, then that will probably happen. I told her she deserved to be happy, to be loved, to be healthy, she told me she didn't feel that way about herself, so I told her to get help finding out why. That would be the first step. She still thinks that I hate her, and I told her that I hated the person that she has become because of drugs, and co-dependency. I told her change is scary, I'm scared too on what will happen, but lets just heal ourselves from all of this doubt, anger, resentment, guilt and fear; and see what happens. I asked her to heal herself, and I will heal myself, and we'll see if we meet together in the end of it all. It took her all day to answer my question about divorce ; she finally answered my question from last night. The answer was NO! she doesn’t want a divorce. I'm not sure about that yet. I have to think on it. I know my options, but then again I'm gun shy, I don't want the kids to get hurt again, and I don't want to get hurt again. Crack addicts are very peculiar addicts, they depend on others more often, deep and dark dependency it seems, they (well all) control relationships with their addiction and disease ("It's so and sos fault that I relaped, not mine" "Your kicking me out of my home, I guess I'll just go out and use, then whatever happens will be your fault" oh and my favorite "I'll just kill myself and that way you won't have to deal with me anymore")
I not going to speculate what is going to happen, I'm not going to waste my time with that. I'm just going to focus on my two wonderful children, and myself. My wife will have to deal with no one else, but herself now. Its up to her to take it to someplace good. I hope she goes to her to her higher power (whatever that is to her, whatever she calls God) and give him control
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