Hi dflops and welcome to this forum. It has helped me so much since I joined about a month ago. I can hear your pain from a thousand miles away. I have felt that kind of pain myself, it can cripple you if you are not careful. I am learning that I can have a life separate from my A and that it can be good regardless. I encourage you to post again and to pour out your thoughts and feelings. This has been so healing for me. Others with more experience will respond and share and you will feel loved and understood. It is amazing how this works even on the internet. Take good care of YOU.