I remember so well those birthdays and Christmas and other special days (like Mother's Day, since it is really all about me!) when there was no contact with my using sons. I learned to do other things, be there for folks in the program, treat myself, look at photos and think of pleaant memories, but sometimes I just stayed home and cried.
The hope I can give you is that both sons are now in recovery - and both have thanked me for letting them hit bottom, for not bailing them out - for letting them just live in their disease. And for staying away and not trying to find them, so they didn't have to live with the "in your face" guilt of what they were doing to me.
But it still hurts like #*&#!
Love in recovery,
Jody