Thank you Happy and Chi for your kindness. I think detachment is where I need to place my focus right now. I have read "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie, but I have it on my night stand at home, reading it again. Right now I have about 6 recovery books on my night stand. I got caught up in my own ultimatum: If he drinks then we are finished. That was an attempt to control the monster. I have to learn to give up on control and try to increase my strength and self knowledge etc. I wanted to make this situation more manageable for myself by saying "If he drinks he is out of here". I feel a kind of urgency in resolving this problem, like I can't stand this life another minute. But I also wonder if the urgency is really about the drinking and the problems from it or could it be about me and my spirituality? Could the urgency I feel be my own spirit longing to be free and begin to develop? DO I really have to separate from my husband to focus on me and my needs first? Could I develop detachment and perhaps that would give me the freedom from the burdens of others that I seek? And isn't this more important because my husband is not the only one that I am over responsible for, his are not the only burdens that I carry that do not belong to me. So I need this skill. I will focus on developing this skill and try to forget about whether I should ask my husband to leave or not. After I develop this skill, then I can decide if I want to separate. Thanks again for your thoughts, they have really helped me to clarify this for myself.
Yesterday I found an online sponsor. I am so excited and hopeful about that. I also plan to take the day off from work tomorrow. I feel I need a day to myself, the house will be quiet and I can read, relax, exercise, clean, and go out for breakfast. I will also try a new Al-anon meeting as I need another one to balance the week. I also have to learn more about the disease, as you suggest Happy. Thanks again..